For Enough
by Stardance

For Enough

by Stardance

A cabin in the woods had seemed romantic enough.

Romantic enough to placate Darel, who had been one foot out the door when Shinji stopped him. Shinji didn't even know why he bothered anymore, quite honestly, when they couldn't even spend the evening together without finding something silly to argue over, without Darel giving up and leaving rather than facing a confrontation, without Shinji yelling after him in frustration. It seemed the only time they got along anymore was over the phone, or in bed.

"I don't know why I even came," Darel was saying, his arms folded, his hands clenched, and his body turned away from Shinji in the passenger's seat. Closed off. "All I was saying is that you aren't ever home, so how do you have the time to take me out for a whole weekend?"

Shinji slammed his hands on the steering wheel. "Damn it, Darel, you asked me how come I wasn't sleeping with whoever I have in Cincinnati like I usually do on weekends." He shook his head angrily at the road ahead of him, taking a deep breath to calm his temper. "You know the branch office is in Cincinnati. I wish I could take you with me every time, but I can't, okay, so fucking drop it!"

He glanced over at Darel, who was looking back at him with a horrified expression, like there was an extra limb growing out of Shinji's forehead.

"What?" he asked finally.

Darel shook his head, his expression unchanging. "It's true, then. I didn't think it was actually true, but it is. You get so defensive about it, it must be true. You're really cheating on me."

Shinji jerked the car to the side of the road so quickly that Darel thought for sure he was going to die, but it stopped safely in the shoulder of the mountain highway. With a jerk of his wrist, Shinji turned off the car and dropped the keys in Darel's lap, taking off his seatbelt and getting out of the car. "Go back, Darel," he said, his voice strained. "It's over." He slammed the door and started back down the highway on foot.

Darel was too shocked to move, staring at the keys in his lap in dumbfounded silence. Shinji had never left before. No matter what Darel said, or how many times he walked out on Shinji, Shinji was always the one who wanted to make it work.

They had been together three years, he said, and they could make it three hundred more. They had met at the zoo, of all places, in the underground sea otter observatory. Darel clasped his hands on the bar, looking at the playful mammals with a child's excitement before he noticed that there was someone else's hand under his, also clasping the bar. He blushed and looked into the kind and slightly amused green eyes of Shinji, who was at the zoo with his two nieces. He had stammered out an apology, Shinji had good-naturedly accepted it, and they got to talking. Darel was at the zoo with a boyfriend, though, and had to go when his boyfriend at the time eventually came back looking for him Without even turning back to say goodbye, Darel left the sea otter house with his boyfriend, but his hands felt unusually cold, and suddenly Darel realized that he hadn't moved his hand from Shinji's for the duration of their entire conversation.

Less than a month later, Darel was at the zoo alone, at the sea otter house, on an unseasonably cold evening. He had broken up with his boyfriend earlier that afternoon and found himself missing a pair of warm, green eyes. He went back to the zoo, not knowing the other man's name, phone number, or even if he was also gay, but it was all he could think to do. And miraculously, he was there.

"I've been back here every weekend since that first time hoping I would see you again," Shinji had said with a smile. Every morning since that day, Darel fell in love with that smile all over.

Three years later, sitting in the car alone, Darel realized with a pang that he was still in love with Shinji and didn't want to lose him. He crawled over to the driver's side and put the key in the ignition, a fear in his heart making his hands unsteady. He turned the car around the first chance he got on the narrow road and started following it the other way very slowly, the fear growing the farther down the mountain he traveled.

After five or ten miles, Darel had to admit to himself that Shinji was no longer on the road. He turned around once again, thinking maybe he had missed him and kept searching for him. A little less than a mile from the place they originally stopped, Darel happened to notice a lake a little off the road. He seemed to remember Shinji saying something about it, but Darel had been too angry to really pay attention. Stopping the car in the little rounded out dirt parking lot, he pocketed the keys and went out to the lake.

He was expecting Shinji to be there, with the hopeful expectation of someone who doesn't have a lot of options left, but when he saw his lover out on the rocks near the water, he was overcome with an almost crippling relief. He scrambled clumsily over the rocks, knowing Shinji would hear him before he could reach his boyfriend, hoping said boyfriend would remain in the same place until Darel could get close enough to say anything.

Darel was a little closer than he expected to be before Shinji heard him and turned. To his relief, Shinji did not try to run away; he merely turned his head back to the shining water in front of him. To Darel's dismay, the green eyes that he loved so much were now red-rimmed and wet from tears. Shinji never cried. He was always the strong one.

The pain in Darel's heart almost gave him pause as he longed to take his lover into his arms and kiss the tears away, but he knew that he was the one who put them there and did not deserve to do any such thing, at least until he apologized and Shinji forgave him. That thought set him back on his course, and he crawled the rest of the way with new found determination.

"Shinji," he said as soon as he got within earshot. The other man did not turn. "Shinji," Darel tried again, moving still closer. "I'm... sorry, I know you're not cheating on me. I shouldn't have said that. I was just... jealous. Of your job, and... selfish. I know you work hard for me and pay the rent so I can have a nice place to live, but I get so lonely when you're gone. I love you, Shinji...."

The silenced stretched between them, Darel's meek tenor ringing even after he finished speaking, the only sound across an empty cavern.

"Shinji?" Darel tried again meekly.

Slowly, Shinji turned, reaching out ever so slowly to take Darel's arm and, standing for momentum, pitched him into the lake. Darel came up spluttering.

"What did you do that for?" he asked angrily, wiping water out of his eyes.

"You asshole!" Shinji yelled, his eyes flashing in anger. "I can't believe you thought I could cheat on you! You paranoid, selfish, high-ack!" Shinji's tirade was cut off as Darel reached out and pulled him into the lake, too.

When Shinji came up for air, Darel aimed a glare in his direction. "Shut up," he snapped. "I..." his voice faltered, and he looked down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I always expect you to cheat on me. It's just that every relationship I've ever been in has ended that way, and you... seem almost too nice to me most of the time. It's hard to believe anyone can be so unselfish."

Shinji shook his head. "Only because you expect everyone to be as selfish as you," he said, but his voice was gentler now. He reached out and traced Darel's lips with his now wet hand. "I love you. It's not unselfishness. I just would never want to cheat on you. You're enough for me, and every time I see you is enough to last me until the next time." He dropped his hand with a sigh. "Sometimes I forget you don't see things the same way."

Eyes wide, Darel shook his head quickly. "No, it's not like that! I mean, I don't need anyone else, either. I just want all of your time...." He trailed off. "I guess I'll grow out of that maybe. I need to trust you more." He looked at his lover then and noticed a small smile in his eyes.

That encouraged him enough to go on. "Shinji, will you come back to me if I promise I'll try to trust you more?" Darel asked, his voice pleading.

Shinji nodded. "I'm sorry I left you. I was hoping you'd come after me. I'm glad you did."

Darel grinned. "Are we better now?"

Shinji nodded again and crawled out of the water. "We're going to catch pneumonia."

"That would be your fault," Darel informed him, following him onto the bank.

Before he could blink, Shinji was right there. "Shut up," he said, and then he was pressed against Darel, kissing him deeply, effectively preventing him from continuing the train of thought. The wet clothes were clammy between them, although the kiss was warm. Shinji must have noticed, too, because when he broke the kiss a moment later, he breathed, "Let's get you out of those wet clothes."

Later, when Darel was warm and undressed beneath his lover, he sought Shinji's hand with his own, linking their fingers together and smiling into warm green eyes.

"I've been thinking," he began seriously, "that three years is too long to walk out every time we have a fight."

Shinji wore an amused expression. "It is," he agreed.

"I won't walk out on you if you promise not to walk out on me," Darel suggested. "I love you."

"Agreed on both counts," Shinji said, then leaned down to kiss his boyfriend on the lips, and then on the jaw. "Now be quiet. I have always wanted to make love to you at a lake in the mountains, and if we keep talking it will be too cold to enjoy it properly."

Darel took the hint and shut up, losing himself in his lover's soft caresses and gentle kisses, and the feeling of well-being at finally hitting a moment of stability in their rocky relationship. This was not the time for words. But that time would come.

After all, he told himself, however much time they spent together in the future, it would be enough.