Aurelian took longer to find the first aid kit than was strictly necessary. He only had one because the cleaning lady had noticed the lack and mentioned it to him five or six years ago. "What if I cut myself?" she'd asked. "What if I need first aid?" So he went out and bought it for her and she put it in the kitchen, and he'd never needed it until now.
When he finally pulled himself together and took the first aid box back to the den, he found Sam perched on the edge of the ottoman, halfway across the room from the shards of glass, elbows on his knees, head down, one hand wrapped around his other fist and pressed against his forehead. It was a strange position, both vulnerable and angry. Aurelian crossed the room, brushed his hand over Sam's head, and sank to his knees on the floor in front of him.
"Does it still hurt?" he asked. Sam nodded.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Why?"
"I broke your picture frame."
"Don't worry about it. Let me see your hand." He put the first aid box on the floor, flipped it open, and pulled Sam's arms down. He gently pried the boy's hands apart, gently pulled his fingers back, and breathed a mental sigh of relief because the cut had more or less stopped bleeding. He could still smell the blood, warm and fresh, but he would wrap it and then he wouldn't have to think about it, think about the things he could ask that Sam might even say yes to.
"It's been a long time since I had to dress a wound," Aurelian said conversationally. "Just relax, ok? This might sting." He opened the little bottle of iodine that came with the first aid kit and soaked a cotton ball with it, and then held Sam's wrist with one hand while he lightly dabbed the cut.
At the first dab, Sam jerked his arm reflexively with a force that would've pulled his hand out of Aurelian's grip if Aurelian had only had the strength of a mortal man. But the vampire had expected this and his hold on Sam's wrist tightened as he cleaned the cut. Sam squirmed and bit his lip and turned his head.
"Breathe," Aurelian said. Sam drew an exaggerated breath. "Good." A last swipe with the cotton ball, and then Aurelian unrolled some gauze and started wrapping Sam's hand. "What were you doing, anyway?"
"I found this picture of my dad, I wanted - ow - wanted to put it up. He looked happy, you know? I knocked this frame off the sideboard, the glass broke, I tried to pick it up.... I'm sorry I broke it."
"I said don't worry about it." Aurelian's voice was reassuring, not just for Sam but for himself. With the cut hidden and the smell of blood covered by the smell of iodine he felt better, although he couldn't stop himself from imagining what it would be like, his lips on Sam's broken skin, the boy's blood on his tongue....
Dammit. Now he was hungry. And not just for blood.
"Aurelian."
"Hm? Is that too tight?" He ripped off a piece of tape to fasten the end of the gauze wrapped around Sam's palm. "Does it still hurt?"
"No, it's ok, I guess, but... you were acting weird."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. It's like something's bugging you. I really am sorry about the picture frame."
"That isn't it." Aurelian repacked the first aid kit one-handed, closed the lid, looked up. He was still holding Sam's wrist. He'd have to say something.
"What's wrong? You're not squeamish, are you?" Disbelief on Sam's face. "Because, you know, it was my blood? My mom's like that - I cut myself, she gets faint. Like it hurts her more than it hurts me."
"Something like that. Sam, a vampire's saliva can close a wound. I could have licked your hand and you wouldn't have needed a bandage." Sam's expression was clear - Why didn't you? Aurelian folded both his hands over the gauze-wrapped palm. "If I said that many times I've wanted to... to... cut myself for you, wanted you to cut yourself for me, what would you say?"
"I don't know. You want to drink my blood?" Disbelief now warring with fear. Aurelian's throat constricted. The last thing he ever wanted was for Sam to fear him. But hope still rose in his chest, and if it could his heart would have beat a little faster. He thought he could explain things so that Sam would not only understand how he felt, but would answer yes to what he longed to ask.
"Not the way you think. Sam, listen to me. You know that for us, for vampires, blood is life. It makes us strong, makes us fast, and it connects us to each other. An exchange of blood is the most intimate thing between lovers. I can't adequately explain how it feels or what it means, you would have to experience it for yourself, but I can tell you I would never hurt you, I would never do anything you did not want to do, and I would never ask anything of you that you did not want to give."
He sat back on his heels, his fingers still curled around Sam's hand. Sam just looked at him, as if he didn't know what to think or what to say.
"You... cut yourself for your other boyfriends?" he asked finally. Aurelian nodded. Girlfriends, too. "And you drank their blood?" Another nod. "Were they all vampires? I don't even know if you've ever been with a human like you're with me."
"I haven't. You're my first long-term human." Aurelian smiled. The corners of Sam's mouth twitched.
"That's what's wrong, isn't it? You wanted to suck my blood, and you were afraid what I'd do?"
"Yes."
"Jesus."
"There's a trade, you know. Your blood for mine. There is pleasure in bleeding just as there is pleasure in drinking." He watched Sam's thoughts chase themselves across his face. "You don't know what to think. You don't know if you want to try this, or if you're simply disgusted with the idea." Sam shrugged. "Just don't be afraid of me."
"I'm not, it's just.... I dunno. My blood - Aurelian, it's my blood you want. This is, shit, I don't know what it is. Kinky. It's weird."
"Weirder than sleeping with a vampire?" Aurelian grinned. Sam made a face.
"Yeah, weirder than that. I guess I should've expected it, I mean, I know what you are, the bloodsucking and all, and I know humans do it to each other so it shouldn't wig me out that you want to, but.... I don't know." His shoulders sagged. "I'm sorry."
"No, don't be sorry. This isn't the same as any of the other things we've done. I can understand how you might be nervous, and I can only ask you to trust me. I will never drain you, and I will never turn you unless you want me to. You have to believe me." He leaned forward, released Sam's hand to put his hands on either side of Sam's face. He closed his eyes, collected his thoughts, opened his eyes again. Sam blinked. Their faces were very close.
"I love you," Aurelian said softly. "You must know that. I want you, all the time, in every way, and you must know that too. But I would never make you uncomfortable. I realize I just have, by telling you how I feel about blood play between us. If the idea bothers you, I accept that. If it interests you, I accept that." A small smile. Sam just blinked again. "I make no demands, I promise, but I will say this: sharing blood is the most erotic, intimate, sensual and sexual thing I can think of, a gift I want to share with you."
But even as he said all that, even as he tried to reassure the boy, Aurelian knew, deep in his still heart, there was a great risk involved, and there was a reason he'd never mentioned it before. He wasn't shy about making his desires known - I want to do it this way, put your hand here, move there, let's try this or that or the other thing - but he'd been silent about the blood.
In retrospect, now that he had Sam, not all his memories of the blood exchange were pleasant ones.
But oh how he wanted it....
And the more Aurelian thought about it, the more his body wanted it, and the longer Sam's silence, the greater the hope the boy would give in.
