"Of course I do!" He reached over and took her hand, staring intently into her face. "Look... Iolanthe, I love you. And I'm not going to abandon you at a time like this. I mean, yeah, I'm a little stunned. This is all really, um, really sudden. But I'm here for you. And for the, um, baby. This is a little sooner than I wanted to start having kids, but - well, I like kids." He smiled reassuringly, making Iolanthe feel like a complete and utter ass. "So, you can move in with me. We'll figure out what to do as we have to. Okay?"
She sighed and let out a disgusted sigh. "Dammit, Davy... now I feel like a total shit. You weren't supposed to be all accepting like that so far."
"Huh? I don't - "
Iolanthe tossed her head, a truly sheepish little smile twisting her lips. "This has been a test of the emergency broadcast system. If this had been a real emergency... and so on. It was a joke, Davy. I've been hanging out with pucks for two weeks. They were a horrible influence."
He just stared at her. She winced and ducked her head. "It's not my egg. I'm watching it for friend who had to go out of town. I didn't think you'd get that serious that quick. I'm sorry."
"Oh." He stared at the egg, then back at Iolanthe, then at the egg. His eyes narrowed. "That was a nasty, awful joke to pull on someone that's just been through 2 weeks of hell, Iolanthe. It's even worse when you consider that you're my first girlfriend and my first - well, my first first! Dammit, Iolanthe! What got into you? You don't do that to a guy my age!"
er lower lip pooched out. "I'm sorry! I just get into these moods, especially when I'm hungry. They had to close the Den this past week for extermination problems, so I'm sorta starved. I don't think well when I'm hungry. Plus it seemed funny when I thought of it. Like I said, I didn't know you were gonna be all accepting that fast. I feel like crap."
"Well, you should. That was mean and nasty."
"Yeah, you said." She suddenly shoved the blanketed egg into his arms and stood up. "I need to check the chicken again. Watch the egg for a moment, will you?"
She trotted off quickly into the kitchen, leaving him to stare at what for a few precious moments had been his offspring.
It had been a stupid joke, but Iolanthe was often immature in her pranks. This went a little further than usual, but he supposed he could forgive her. Still, he was surprised at the wave of disappointment that was sweeping over him as he realized he wasn't holding his own child. It wouldn't have been such a really bad thing had the joke not been a joke.
He stroked one hand over the shell and murmured, "Hey in there. How's it goin'?"
The egg suddenly gave a huge lurch to the left, nearly toppling out of his hands. Davy gave a little yelp and juggled it, pulling it close to his chest and wrapping both arms and wings around it to hold it. It jerked against him as if something inside was trying very hard to escape, and without the help of his wings it might very well have jostled its way out of his arms and hit the floor.
"Iolanthe!" he yelled, panicked. "I think it's hatching!"
"What?"
A very panicked Iolanthe bolted out of the kitchen, skidding to a stop in front of the chaise lounge. She stared wildly at the jerking motions beneath his wings and suddenly narrowed her eyes. "Oh yeah right. You're just getting me back for the joke, aren't you? What are you doing, jerking off under there?"
"What? No!" He moved his wings, revealing the jiggling egg. "Look, it's hatching!"
"It can't be hatching!" she yelled. "It's too early yet! Maybe it's just - I dunno - restless or something. Maybe she's having a bad dream in there."
"I've never seen many eggs hatch before, but I think it's definitely hatching. What do we do?"
Iolanthe ran to the kitchen bar and snatched the cordless off its base. As she punched frantically at the numbers, she said, "I know a midwife that takes care of a lot of fae. I'm calling her. Go put the egg back in its pillow nest."
Davy carefully stood up, trying to keep a tight grip on the egg. But its natural slipperiness combined with the flannel made it hard. He wrapped his wings around it to help hold it still while he carefully navigated his way back to the pillow nest and laid it carefully in the soft confines. The he stood back and watched the large egg jerk erratically while listening to Iolanthe talk frantically behind him.
"Okay, Moira's on her way," the succubus said, coming over to root frantically through the mess on the coffee table. "I've got to call Belamy and tell him the egg is hatching early. Oh gods, he's gonna be so upset... missing the birth of his own child. And there he is stuck in Las Vegas at some drag queen contest, the freak." She picked up a phone book and flipped through it. "I know I have his hotel number in here somewhere - yes!"
She started dialing again and paced while she waited for someone to pick up. "Be there, be there, be-Belamy! You've got to get back as quick as you can! ...I don't care that the finals are tonight. It's hatching! Yeah, yeah... well, hurry! Dammit, I'm not equipped to take care of a newborn. Get your fruity little ass back here now!"
Iolanthe hit the OFF button and threw the phone onto the lounge, then joined Davy by the pillow nest. She chewed worriedly on her lower lip as her hand reached for the nervous vampire's. "Shit, talk about instant karma..."
"No, instant karma would be you getting knocked up for real," he said with a slightly hysterical laugh. "This... this is just really bad timing."
"Well, that's an ill omen for the kid. Nothing worse than a lust fae with bad timing."
She snuggled into his side, wrapping her arms around his torso. "Look, I really am sorry. That was a horrible thing to do earlier."
"Didn't really seem like you," Davy said, slipping an arm around her shoulders. "Granted, you are the same girl that chased me around the room with a lasso...tied me up with silk scarves..."
Iolanthe grinned and nudged him in the side. "You liked it. Hey, we haven't tried that in the bedroom yet... I wonder if I still have those silk scarves."
"Umm..."
"Mark would probably lend me some cuffs if I asked real nicely."
"Don't even think about it," he said quickly, his cheeks reddening.
"Killjoy."
* * * *
The midwife was a two-foot brownie woman, nearly as wide as she was tall, with a brisk, cheery mood that immediately calmed down the worried couple.
"Now, dearies, don't worry yer poor little heads about it," she said, patting Iolanthe on the hip as the succubus hovered over her. "There's no set time for one o'yer kind ta incubate. Yer aging is erratic at best. This'un just may be a quick lil' grower. Shame about its mama bein' gone for tha hatchin' though. Now you two just go on and eat yer dinner and let me keep an eye on the babe... though you might think about givin' a poor old lady a bite o'that wunnerful smellin' chicken," she added with the obvious slyness of the elderly.
"Thanks Moira," Iolanthe said gratefully, hugging her arms as she looked at the egg. Its movements had slowed now. "But how are we gonna feed it when it does hatch? I don't know how fast Belamy can get back."
"We'll worry about that when tha time comes, dearie. Now go on and eat... though I don't know what you two are playin' at eatin' regular food."
"We're just playing," Iolanthe sighed, turning back to Davy. "Come on, sweetie. I don't think there's anything we can do over here."
The two walked over to the kitchen while the brownie squatted down beside the egg, pulling a pipe and tobacco pouch from the bag she'd brought with her. Soon she was surrounded in a tobacco fog, periodically munching on the chicken leg Davy brought her. The couple sat at the small kitchen table sharing a quiet dinner, keeping their ears cocked for any distressing sounds.
"Where did you learn to cook?" Davy asked, noting the dinner was surprising good even if it wasn't providing him with any sustenance.
"A romantic dinner can be a powerful weapon in the war of the sexes," Iolanthe said, waving her fork in a little circle and grinning. "Every succubus or incubus has their own personal armory for seduction. I learned to cook and give good massages. And dance. And knot."
"Knot?"
"As in tying people up? I'm especially good at Japanese bondage."
A nasty bout of coughing suddenly sounded from the living room. Iolanthe's grin widened and, keeping her eyes on Davy, raised her voice and called out, "Are you all right in there?"
"Fine, dearie. I, ah, sucked a lil' smoke down tha wrong pipe there."
Davy's shoulders and wings were shaking with silent laughter. Iolanthe just shook her head and forked up a bite of dressing. "That'll teach her to listen in."
They finished dinner, but neither was really satisfied. As they sat there enjoying the wine the vampire had brought, Iolanthe tossed her head in the direction of the refrigerator and picked up her wineglass.
"There's another good vintage in the fridge that you might want to try," she said in a low voice. "One of Lord Haven's."
Davy raised startled eyes to look at her, then the refrigerator. Then he looked back to her and, leaning forward, hissed, "Do you have any idea what Haven's 'vintages' are?"
"I'm not an innocent, David. I know what it is."
"Do you know where he gets his wines?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Davy, I know where he gets his wines. He's got a whole slew of humans he keeps well fed, well amused and well spoiled in exchange for drawing off a pint or so every few days. When he heard we were dating, he applauded me for my 'fine taste in vampires' and gave me one of his favorite 'vintages' for dinner tonight." She dimpled cutely. "Haven likes me. He says if he ever has a daughter, chances are she'll probably be just like me."
"Poor Haven."
"Davy!"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" he laughed, raising his hands to fend off the roll flying at his head. "That was, um, nice of him, I guess."
"Yeah, and it'll round off your dinner nicely." She lowered her voice, raising one violet brow suggestively while he got up and retrieved the bottle out of the refrigerator. "And then we can go off to my room and finish off mine."
Davy gestured over the breakfast bar. "Um, did you forget about the little miracle happening in your living room?"
"Actually, dearies, that'd probably be most helpful fer the lil' one."
Moira waddled into the kitchen, puffing on the pipe as she stole the roll Iolanthe had lobbed at Davy moments before. While she munched, she sprayed crumbs as she added, "Until one o'yer kind is old enough, they have ta rely on what you might call secondhand lusts. It'll be a good atmosphere for the babe ta be born in if you can go get yer young lad there all rarin' ta go."
