Lo<ve in> Ve[in]

Lo<ve in> Ve[in]
Section 1.4

by Shawn Phillips

Collecting together various electronic equipment, voltage gates, diodes, switches, power connectors... I constructed something alive,something to give me that extra surge. I didn't want to give myself self-electrocution, it'd be too fitting for my state of mind., though I hadn't committed anything deserving capital punishment, so I made an adjusting switch, and tested its outage. Confident that I would not cross the line of pain for pleasure, I tried it on myself. After adjusting to the new sensation, I reeled in rapture from it, over and over.

Fortunately, the device was small enough to take to work. How satisfying it was, to be able to clasp my love to my person wherever I was! To be constantly quenched, releasing the positive and negative tension into a bloom of self reverence. I don't mean to say that I literally "worship" myself per se, but to derive such pleasure from something of my hands, and yet, at the same time, something that was its own entity, is truly uplifting on more than one level.

Then I discovered my error. I didn't realise this initially, but after a moment of a numbing ride, I became aware of a peculiar sound. It was faint, but quite noticeable. It was my creation, making a low humming noise. I was immediately embarrassed, and began to feel the eyes of others on me. Again, I would have to remove myself before further speculation incriminated me.

How could I have been so foolish?! I must be more careful next time. Yes, next time, after transferring to another job in another sector. I modified my contraption with more silent running equipment. Another thing occurred to me as I was finishing up the new specs: I had never thought about powering up the robot I had stolen. What new high could that bring me? After settling into my new home and employment, I decided to find out.

I began to relive the anticipation I had felt on that night on the work floor all that time ago. I thought in the spirit of experimentation, I would also apply my newly modified device to this fresh interaction. I could feel my nervousness sweeping me, the air feeling cool and warm at the same time against my skin. I approached the robot that had been silent ever since I first set my eyes on it. I refreshed my memory of its solid structure, clambering over it, leaching passive energy to feed my growing hunger.

I reached up behind its neck for the switch. Closing my eyes, tasting metallic fruit, I pressed the button. I could feel it! It was alive, responding to my touch,flowing with power and energy. I could feel it, wave after wave pouring over me as it began to move.

But no, something was wrong. I could feel frequencies that shouldn't be there, painfully ripping into me. I wanted to double over, to pull away, anything, but all I could feel was myself becoming a part of the intangible, feeling my atoms being reformatted in a maddening mix of torture and a pinch of rapture. I'm slipping away, but is it to a higher, or even a better calling? Oh, the horror, everything is becoming 0's and 1's...I didn't want this to happen... someone, anyone...